For many mothers, it’s more than just a wish for time alone. It’s the exhausting feeling of not being able to have it.
You’re at lunch, but you’re watching the clock.
You’re on a date, but your mind is at home.
You think about taking a break, but the thought that follows is immediate:
They need me.
I should go back.
I can’t stay out too long.
What if something happens?
So you cut the lunch short.
You leave the dinner early.
You cancel the plan altogether.
You decide it’s easier not to go.
And for some mothers, it isn’t just emotional guilt.
It’s practical reality.
There is no support system.
No one to call.
No partner available.
No family nearby.
No one offering to step in.
So the idea of “taking time away” doesn’t feel like a choice you’re avoiding.
It feels like something that simply isn’t possible.
That’s because our lives don’t just include children. Life revolves around them.
Every part of our day is shaped by their routine.
When they wake up.
When they need to nap.
When they need to eat.
When they need to go out.
If you want to go somewhere, they come with you.
If you want to meet someone, it has to fit around them.
If you want to rest, it depends on whether they’ll let you.
Your time stops being your own.
Your body stops being your own.
Even your thoughts start to revolve around their needs.
And in the middle of that routine life, a thought sometimes appears, “I’d really love some time to myself.“
Not forever. Just a few hours to do what you want.
When that thought arises, some mothers wonder, “Is something wrong with me for wanting that?”
No. There’s nothing wrong with you for needing a break.
Rather, it’s an indicator that something is amiss in relation to the situation. Needing a break is often a sign of emotional health.
It means you still have a part of you that knows you need rest, space, and moments when you are not “on duty.”
Research on parental wellbeing shows that mothers who have regular time to themselves report:
- Lower stress levels
- Better mood
- More patience with their children
- Stronger relationships with their partners
Time away does not damage the bond with your child or your partner. Chronic exhaustion does.
Children and family relationships don’t benefit from a mother who never rests. They benefit from a mother who has enough energy to be warm, present, and emotionally available.
So the next time you’re out, don’t rush home at the first twinge of guilt.
Finish your meal slowly.
Stay those extra ten minutes at the gym.
Let the shower run a little longer.
Sleep in just a bit on the weekend.
And when someone gives you that space, receive it fully. Look at them, smile, and say, “Thank you. I really needed that.”
But what if you don’t have support?
For many mothers, this is the hardest part of the conversation.
It’s not just guilt keeping you from taking a break. It’s the harsh reality.
No partner available.
No family nearby.
No trusted childcare.
No extra money.
No one stepping in.
In those situations, suggestions to “just take a break” is frustratingly unrealistic.
So the focus shifts to something more practical for you.
Instead of revolving your entire life around your baby, you let small parts of the day revolve around you, too.
You take the baby to the class you’ve been wanting to try.
You let them nap in the pram so you can walk somewhere you enjoy, listening to a podcast that makes you laugh or wakes up your mind.
You sit in a café with the pram beside you and eat something you actually like.
And sometimes, it’s even simpler than that.
When the baby naps, you don’t automatically start the laundry.
You don’t rush to tidy the house.
You let the chores wait.
Because that quiet window is one of the only moments in the day that can belong to you.
So you use those 30 minutes differently.
You watch the show you’re hooked on.
You do a short workout that makes you feel alive again.
You work on something that excites you.
You protect that time, because the chores can happen later, even if the baby is awake. They can play with their toys while you fold laundry. They can crawl behind you while you wash the dishes.
They may not be luxuriously long moments away. But they become something far more powerful: time that belongs to you, every single day.
And for the first time, you don’t have to feel sad that no one is there to give it to you. You find small, gentle ways to create it with your baby beside you.
Not by waiting for help.
Not by escaping your life.
But by shaping your day so there is always a little space left for you.’
