For many couples, the distance doesn’t arrive in a dramatic moment. It doesn’t start with a big fight or a clear turning point.
It creeps in quietly.
Mornings are about rushing out the door with everything you need. Evenings are about getting the kids to bed so you can finally have some time to yourself.
That’s right. Time alone. Not necessarily with each other. Because you’re both exhausted, you scroll on your phones instead of talking.
When conversations finally begin, it’s more logistical planning. Who’s picking up the kids? Did you pay that bill? What time is the appointment? This routine becomes your norm.
Though you’re the same couple that fell in love, and you still care about each other… something feels different.
There’s less laughter. Less affection. Less curiosity about each other’s lives.
Sometimes you notice it when you’re out together. You don’t hold hands the way you used to. Or you feel irritated more easily than you used to. Or you realise it’s been weeks since you’ve touched each other in a way that wasn’t just functional.
For many women, this distance is confusing. You may still love your partner deeply. You may appreciate how hard they work or how much they do for the family. But the closeness, the feeling of being seen and chosen, can start to fade.
Research shows that relationship satisfaction often drops after the arrival of children. Not because couples stop loving each other, but because sleep loss, stress, mental load, and competing responsibilities leave very little time or energy for connection.
When you’re both in survival mode, the relationship can move to the bottom of the list.
And the distance grows, not from a lack of love, but from a lack of time, rest, and emotional space.
The important thing to understand is that this is common. And it isn’t a sign the relationship is doomed.
Rather once you sense this is what is going on, it’s time to check in and find ways to reawaken that spark.
Next time, have a longer conversation and make sure it’s not just about the kids. When you go for a walk, reach out to hold hands. When you’re on the sofa, lean in for a cuddle. Leave a thoughtful note sharing how much your appreciate them.
Small moments of attention that transform you from being parents or co-managers of a household, to being lovers again.
You’re still two people who once chose each other. And that connection can be rebuilt, one small moment at a time.
